To teach research-validated skills that help men and women of all ages and stages of relationship improve communication, strengthen bonding, empathy, emotional understanding and expression, and learn to constructively navigate conflicts and differences on behalf of healthy relationships that are an ongoing source of love, pleasure and happiness -- something we think is as important in life as air, food, water, and shelter.

PAIRS most popular, evidence-based programs such as PAIRS Essentials is offered in a wide variety of formats, ranging from nine to 16 hours in length. Courses are designed to accomodate the needs of many different types of participants, from one-day intensives and weekend retreats to multi-week seminars. PAIRS Foundation is also able to customize courses to meet the needs and objectives of various organizations and communities. Classes are offered in person and also online.

PAIRS is an acronym that stands for "Practical Application of Intimate Relationship Skills." The program was originally developed over a quarter century ago by Marriage and Family Therapist Lori Heyman Gordon as a semester-long graduate program for future counselors at American University in Washington, D.C. 

PAIRS is a class. It is not therapy or counseling. It has been called "Drivers Ed" and "Boot Camp" for Relationships. Trained instructors present material and exercises which participants practice privately with a partner. PAIRS offers proven skills and strategies for creating and sustaining successful relationships based on rigorous research, training and ethical standards. PAIRS does not get involved in the personal issues participants work through using skills for deepening communication, emotional understanding and expression, empathy, bonding, and constructive conflict resolution beyond providing coaching on the skills themselves. Like Drivers Ed, PAIRS focuses on skill development, respecting that each participant must make their own decisions about their values and relationship vision.

PAIRS is not therapy or counseling, quite the opposite. PAIRS teaches participants skills to find answers and solutions to the natural challenges of human relationship directly with each other. Every PAIRS class has a beginning and an end, follows an established curriculum designed to empower participants to find and implement their own solutions. Research on PAIRS shows that for many individuals and couples, PAIRS is far more effective than therapy. PAIRS ethical and training standards guide instructors in delivering classes that always invite, never inflict. As an educational experience, participants can sit back and learn without saying a word if they so choose. No practice exercises are forced upon participants. For couples and individuals considering marriage therapy, PAIRS blog offers suggested questions to ask before beginning.

Many people who "hate" groups love PAIRS. No one ever has to talk in front of the group. You can learn just from hearing other people share and practicing exercises with your partner or another member of the class. The group ultimately provides a safe place to try out new skills and feels, for most people, very warm, nurturing, and accepting. It also allows people to see courage and growth in others. Participants often state that they finally realize how normal they are in their own struggles, realizing that learning to navigate relationship challenges is something every couple shares in common.

Definitely. Each PAIRS course covers a specific agenda that has been developed, refined, and researched by PAIRS Foundation and validated as an approach that is most likely to contribute to the lives of program participants.

The goal of PAIRS is to teach strategies and skills that allow participants to find answers and solutions that fit for their own unique values, challenges and circumstances. Instructors do not get involved in the personal issues or decisions of class members beyond providing coaching on how to use the skills taught in PAIRS to address whatever issues are relevant for a particular couple.

It varies. Usually from 12 to 30 people, although PAIRS can also be taught effectively to groups as large as 200 people or more.

PAIRS is not intended to substitute for or replace counseling or therapy, although many graduates have said that the tools they learned in PAIRS helped them achieve levels of understanding and breakthroughs far beyond what was typically possible in counseling. Many counselors have said that clients who have experienced PAIRS are able to achieve much greater success in therapy. PAIRS focuses on skills training and empowering participants with knowledge and skills to identify and implement the solutions that fit for their personal wishes, hopes and dreams.

Many therapists regularly refer clients to PAIRS programs to give their clients the maximum growth opportunities. If your therapist/counselor has been trained by PAIRS, they will be able to help you reinforce the skills you'll learn in the class.

Some PAIRS instructors are also therapists/counselors/coaches; many are not. Those who do have private practices may be able to help you begin learning skills from PAIRS through individual or couple sessions.You might also consider participating in a PAIRS webinar, led by a member of our National Team.

Many participants have said PAIRS was one of the most important investments they ever made because they learned skills and understandings that touched the very foundation of their lives. The cost to participate in PAIRS varies widely by location, instructor, and curriculum. Typically, the cost ranges from as little as $25 to as much as $100 per person, per curriculum hour, including all materials. Some PAIRS programs are grant funded by state and federal agencies. In communities in which grant funded classes are offered, courses may be offered at significant discounts or even at no charge. Also, some PAIRS instructors are able to offer payment plans to meet the individual needs of participants. With our wide range of programs and formats, it is very rare that the cost of participating is a barrier that prevents anyone from benefiting from the often life-changing experience PAIRS offers.

PAIRS is an educational program. Instructors come from a wide range of educational and professional backgrounds. Each instructor is trained and certified by the PAIRS Foundation. The role of the PAIRS instructor is to facilitate a specific PAIRS curriculum. The instructor does not serve as a counselor or therapist, but as a Relationship Educator responsible for guiding participants through the PAIRS curriculum.

We find that PAIRS offers tools, education and experiences that cannot be found elsewhere. It's unique. It will give you a comprehensive approach to relationships -- not just insight, but practical skills to make and sustain changes.

We find that most people who take PAIRS are very busy people. Part of the commitment to take PAIRS is to set aside time and to make the relationship a priority. PAIRS teaches skills to help people connect with each other in the hectic world. It also helps couples examine their lifestyles and priorities and consider changes that often lead to more fun, peace, and greater success in every area of their life.

PAIRS instructors and graduates regularly share stories of long-term married couples who achieved profound, positive breakthroughs as a result of their PAIRS experience. One of the most frequent comments heard from graduates is the wish that they'd had PAIRS many years earlier. It's never too late for anyone to learn skills for greater love, pleasure and happiness.

It's very possible. You can learn the tools and experience the changes, but it's up to YOU to do the ongoing work. A quote frequently repeated by PAIRS instructors is: "Love is a feeling, marriage is a contract and a relationship is work." PAIRS offers a practical roadmap and tool kit (some say 'treasure chest') that empowers you to create the level of closeness, connection and sharing you may have long wanted, but didn't know how to achieve.

Yes, as part of many PAIRS curricula, you are invited to create a plan of how you will integrate the skills to help you achieve your relationship goals. We find that when you have a plan, you are more likely to reach your goals. Many PAIRS instructors provide follow-up activities to help support ongoing reinforcement of skills. Some groups continue to meet on their own as a result of the close, lifelong friendships that began in PAIRS.

PAIRS delivers research-based skills training for human relationships. Participants come from all walks of life, types of relationship, and stages of relationship. Some instructors offer courses specifically marketed to same sex couples. The skills taught in PAIRS are applicable to people in any type of peer relationship.

PAIRS helps singles know themselves better and helps them discover more about healthy relationships. Singles have told us that after taking the PAIRS classes, they feel more able to choose appropriate friendships or partnerships and they have an increased frame of reference for healthy pleasurable possibilities.

Yes, much of it can be. However, it is often much more expensive to do so and it is not possible to duplicate the power of the group in private sessions. The group provides energy and a safe atmosphere for taking risks and trying new behaviors. It shows participants that other people are really more similar than different, and that the work of relationships is hard, but do-able. It helps people experience empathy and feel the "Oh, it's not just me and my partner . . ." who have issues.

All kinds: young, old, middle aged; happy couples looking to find ways to experience even more joy; couples with "the attorneys on hold . . .looking for one last ditch effort," people trying to decide if their partner is "the right one," singles looking to figure out what it takes to have a lasting relationship. The design of the curriculum and the experiential format enables all sorts of different people in different situations to grow, learn and change.

Excellent! People have made important decisions, have grown and bonded together in healthy ways or have been able to leave relationships that they may realize are unhealthy or cannot meet their longterm needs and vision. Countless marriages have been saved. People have learned to experience joy! The success rate is highly impressive. (one nationally prominent attorney said in a Washington Post interview in 1996 that 12 of 13 divorcing couples she had sent to PAIRS had reconciled!) Research has also validated the significant impact of PAIRS brief seminars, such as PAIRS Essentials and PAIRS for Life, for couples entering the program at high levels of marital distress. 

Yes! If they want to learn the skills necessary to have a joyful relationship and establish early patterns of a healthy, happy relationship, PAIRS could be a great experience. We highly recommend giving the class as a wedding present. Giving the gift of PAIRS says a great deal about our commitment not just to a beautiful wedding, but a happy, lasting, joyful marriage!

ABSOLUTELY! PAIRS' grads in similar situations have gained skills necessary to make the commitment to each other and give their relationship the best opportunity to blossom into a long, happy future, if this is what you want. People in a new relationship without a lot of baggage learn ways to keep their relationship current and deal with problems effectively so that baggage does not have to build up. It will help them see the speed bumps of life before they get to them, so that they can go over them gently, or go around them.